Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
