you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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