That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
