So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
