someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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