So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
