There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
