I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize