actually, I'm a sock model
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
