PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
