What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
