So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
