The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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