Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
