so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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