I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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