I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
