Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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