Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
