I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
