All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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