so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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