Pappa wants mamma naked
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
