i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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