How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
