Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
