someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I deserve this hangover.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
