i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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