Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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