All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
