Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
