just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
