i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
