Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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