I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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