i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
