a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is wine microwaveable?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
