so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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