Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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