I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got so high we made milksteak
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
