She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
