I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize