You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
