if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
