no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize