I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
