that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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