I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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