vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
