god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mom said you looked used
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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