Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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