Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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