I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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