You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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