I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He has the fingertips of a God
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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