there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
