i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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