just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
