Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
