dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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