let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
