please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
