Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
