If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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