he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
