I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
