I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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