May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My ass is underappreciated
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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