sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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