she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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