Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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