That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
