Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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