I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
