What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
