Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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