it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
