I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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