i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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