K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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