My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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