Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She announced her abortion via fbk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
