does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
