Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we have pet lesbian snakes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
