i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
