Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
