ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i came on her dog
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
