I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
