Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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