My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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