I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
