id be glad to
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just invented taco cereal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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