i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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