If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
