I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
