I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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