Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
