R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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