Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
