Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
