I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
